you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
