1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
