dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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