you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
