i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
not ubering you a puppy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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