i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
