Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
