i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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