can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
