My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
