Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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