Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
