You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
