At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
