this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
