note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
