And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
