We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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