We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My friends, they love my intelligence
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
