please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize