No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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