Dude my mom stole all your condoms
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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