The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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