i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
