I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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