dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
