I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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