I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
