I hate your face
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
