they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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