you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
