It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
