I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
