I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
