On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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