After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
