He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
