U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
