someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my being single is dangerous.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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