It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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