Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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