I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
