Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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