Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
