I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
