You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
