Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
