He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Less talking, more tequila
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
