When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
