Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
