The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
