Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
