Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
