I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
