Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
