I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
