Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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