u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
