Duck Duck Cougar?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
