I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I want a musical about memes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
