From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
