Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
