My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think I just sharted jello shots
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
