Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
