a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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