Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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