We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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