This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.