So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
