i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect