I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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