My friends, they love my intelligence
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.