Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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