i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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